“There’s no one coming
– Motograter, “Down”
And there’s no way out
Well I’ve been falling
And it’s a long way down”
I am decidedly in the middle of a series of bad days. A saying from one of my high school science teachers comes to mind, “my momma told me there’d be days like this…but she never told me they came in bunches.”
I have been fighting off the temptation to make a “venting” style post on facebook, despite the potential of either catharsis or friends trying to help. I know all too well where that path goes, and I have enough empirical data to back me up, there.
That said… I find myself in a very bad place, despite recent efforts to achieve balance in the middle of what a sane person might call an emotional hellscape. I know that if I call out for help, I will drag anyone who responds beneath the waves with me, so I fight that instinct every hour (felt even more acutely in the deepest parts of the night as sleep evades me yet again). Yet that natural instinct, that temptation to cry out is still there. I write here instead hoping that it will placate those urges, even as I’m trapped here alone inside my own thoughts.
“We all carry within us our places of exile, our crimes, and our ravages. But our task is not to unleash them on the world; it is to fight them in ourselves and in others.”
– Albert Camus
Living Undead 