Changes

“Everyone is entitled to their own sorrow, for the heart has no metrics or form of measure.”

RWBY (and my rule #24)

Out of the blue, my cat died while I was asleep.

I know that my depression was so much worse before, and most of the time I hardly “felt” at all…but I don’t think I ever cried this much over any human friend or family member who passed away…and I have to wonder what kind of a shitty person that makes me, now.

I haven’t written here in a really long time, mainly because things in life have been getting better, and I’m so busy at times that I forget to eat/sleep. I even recently said (out loud, to boot) that I had hope for things in my near-future.

I’d give it all up this second and go back to the worst of it right now if it would bring her back. If something “after” does exist, I’d give it all up just to know that she’s happy.

We never really knew how old she was (best guess in the 13-15 range) but she had regular play time 2-4 times a day every day…I thought she’d have several more years and then we could arrange for something gentle…

I don’t know what signs I missed…but I was supposed to keep her safe.

I failed her.